I often think of this one particular girl I knew from high school whenever I sulk about life. She's effortlessly popular. I stress the word because she can pull a grumpy face, which was pretty often, and there would still be people wanting to swarm her. She was privileged, glorious, smart and came from a close-knit family - all enviable points.
Many years back, I showed my pastor a picture of her and I could see his hesitation in telling me what he saw. Of course he was just trying to be kind to my flagging self-esteem. I forced it out of him anyway. Avoiding my eye contact, he quickly made the statement that she glows with the "joy of the Lord".
The joy of the Lord... Oh, how I have yearned it and even forced myself to find it within me. There were a few fleeting moments when I truly believed I had it. Those moments never lasted. Nor were they ever enough; never like hers. So, conclusion? I never had it.
Last night, tired with having dealt with yet another of my life's dissatisfaction which consequently resulted in a big argument with my husband, I asked for prayer from Pastor Lee, a 68 year old Korean lady pastor who is known to be razor-sharp in hearing God. I told her of how I struggle with no joy in my heart - nothing is ever enough; nothing is ever good enough. (This was after having helped out in a Thai retreat held in Church of True Light, where she was invited to speak.)
I was instructed to lay flat on the ground while she laid hands on my chest and stomach. Here's a summary of what she said:
1) unseen forces suppressing peace, thereby robbing me of God's joy
2) source of spiritual curse from parents/ancestors
3) hardened/residing in stomach and thigh areas for an extremely long time
4) this is stopping me from weeping and interceding
5) the cause of my fears and anxieties, manifested in stiffness in legs and heart palpitations
6) not many people are interceding on my behalf
With all the above, I was told I carry a great burden to cut off all ancestral curses; to make sure they end at me. Strategies to overcome this:
1) only the blood of Jesus can cut the curse
2) pray together with husband
3) continually seek out prayer and deliverance
4) catch them whenever they appear and cast them out each time (best to manifest the purging)
5) worship
6) pray, sing and read God's word with Abby (ensuring that it ends at my generation)
Mark has committed himself to praying with me. I may not tell him enough but he is my spiritual pillar of support. He never doubts, never questions, never stops trusting God. It's an amazing heritage he's received from his parents. And I want Abby to have that.
I end today's post with a proclamation of God's promise from Exodus 20:6:
"But showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments."
Amen.
