Aroma in the Night

This actually happened on 4 October 2015. I will just cut and paste my messages to Brother Ong:

I think I smelled something supernatural last night when I was sleeping. I smelled a very nice sweet aroma, which is impossible because all my windows and door were closed. And the smell wafted from right to left just in front of me.

I actually woke up and the smell was really there. And it got broken down to 2 components for my senses to digest - fresh apples and some flower. It was maybe 5 plus am. I went back to sleep after deciding it is impossible for the smell to be there.

The emotion I had at that time - relaxed and peaceful, nothing drastic. Then I proceeded to dream that I had to tell ppl about it but my mum, in the dream, interrupted me with her own night story of her hand being zapped by electricity. She has been having persistent shoulder pains in real life and in the dream, I tried to cast out a difficult spirit dwelling there

Dream Diary

Last night I dreamt that my cousin Gavyn was immensely sick and at the brink of death. He had an open wound on his face and I heard the word septic. 

My grandaunt Peggy recalled the story of how his younger brother just recently died of a tragic accident. The top quarter of his head had been accidentally sawn off by an electric saw. 

Tragedy/tragic was what I felt over this family. 

I woke up from the dream. My next dream was all about extreme sports - those kind which can get you killed. 

My first thought is that the second dream could be an indication of the cause of him lying on his death bed. 

Update: interestingly, it is his birthday today. 

A Letter to Abigail #1

Dear Abigail,

You probably won't remember much of your babyhood and toddlerhood by the time you are able to read this. It is such a shame that nature is such because we, as a family, had such a smashing time together. So, mummy is using this platform to fill in those gaps for you. 

Last night was the first night ever you verbalised your preference for daddy over mummy to accompany you to sleep. It's probably understandable since mummy has been too tired and immobile to play with you for long periods of time as of late owing to mummy's growing bump. But we do spend time together reading nursery rhymes, playing make believe - specifically washing Baby Bob's and BJ's bum bum after they poo-poo and even give you a swing or two to Sound of Music's "I am 16 going on 7-8" (haha). Pretty much activities that do not require mummy to move around too much. 

You are only 2 years and 1 month old now but have such wisdom. We really thank God for that. Whenever we ask you to choose between mummy and daddy, you would always lump us as one and say "I love mummy daddy". How in the world did you know that there is in fact a third choice? And to astound us further, you would just suddenly proclaim that you "love Jesus!" out of nowhere. We sure didn't teach you that (but maybe mah mah and yeh yeh did).

You know, I fear for that one day when you finally decide you prefer one over the other. And it will come. Yesterday's event already points to that. 

By the time you understand this letter, I am not sure how our relationship will turn out and whether you love me as much as I hope you do. But know this, that mummy loves you more than you can ever comprehend. You will forever be my baby, my miracle... I love you with all that I have. 

Becoming Her Own Self

Once upon a time not very long ago I worried there wasn't enough place in my heart for my second baby. 

Once upon a time not very long ago I worried I will never be able to let go of my first born's hand. 

Today however, after celebrating her 2nd birthday, I see those worries as of the past. 

She is no longer the baby who needs to be attached to her mummy's side - she is now her own person, with the ability to voice her likes and dislikes. I can see her independent spirit taking more and more form as each day passes by. 

But most importantly, I can now let go of her hand, for her to become the individual that God has called her to be. It came earlier than expected, but I believe it is the right time - just as I am expecting to hold my second baby in two months' time. 

Gosh, how amazing is His timing, right?

Tears fill my eyes as I type, knowing that my baby is not really a baby anymore. But in my eyes, I will always be ready to baby her whenever she needs me to. 

Daddy God, thank you for such a beautiful gift. She has brought so much joy to me and Mark. She is perfect in every way. 

I pray that you will bless her with good health all her life. That You will direct all her paths and make them straight. That she will be highly favoured in all that she does and with all she comes in contact with. Bless her Lord, with spiritual sensitivity and openness. That she may rise to her calling even from a young age. 

Bless her Lord with Your joy, peace and grace and may she know how to overflow them to those around her. Let her be kind, good, gentle, meek, long suffering, slow to anger, compassionate and quick to praise. Let her be a positive impact on others. 

Lord, also protect her from dangers and the schemes of the evil one. Let Your wings be a shield around her at all times. 

Thank you again, Lord for such a precious daughter. 

My #2 (Part 1)

I am now almost 24 weeks pregnant with baby #2 and she's daughter #2 for me. She is growing extremely well (Dr Chan did not say more than a one liner about my 3kg increase in weight, phew!) and is happily stretching and kicking within me vigorously. I'm slowly falling deeper in love with her. 

"Where is the boy?", one may ask since I was so confident of the prophecies I had received. Well, this is why I am here on this blog today - to journal my initial struggle and confusion due to this divide between reality and prophecy. 

Even after three times being told by my Gynae that I will be having a girl, I was still hoping the next ultrasound would show something different. Not because I wanted to have a son but because I wanted the assurance that ALL my children are in my future. 

So, if the prophecies are indeed accurate, what happens to one of my girls? 

I sought out Jenn to speak to the Lord and each time she saw Abby and a boy. She could not see anyone else. 

Okay, it is about here that I should pause and make mention that whatever I have done up to that point was wrong:

1) I sought after fortune telling more than anything else.

2) There was no active participation in my part to communicate with Go. I merely thrusted this responsibility to Jenn.

3) I went around person to person looking for an alternative interpretation (that would be acceptable to me) of the prophecies

Kathy pointed out something I knew deep down inside but wouldn't openly acknowledge - I didn't dare to approach God about this fear of mine. I didn't dare to bring it to God for fear that he would tell me my fears would come to pass. 

To be continued...

Dream: Locust Invasion

21 July 2015

I dreamt of a locust invasion that night. The dream started with me being an unfamiliar house with my grandmother. After being aware of the setting, I realised that the house was already infested with some type of brown insect. My eyes zoomed in to one that was nearest to me and saw a praying mantis. I instinctively looked out of the windows and saw that locusts had swarmed the outside. Their number was so large that they almost blackened out the light. 

I immediately ran to one of the windows and pushed it back. It was, weirdly, elastic and was bending to the sheer force of the number of locusts trying to get into the house. 

Notes:

My mind was preoccupied with 

1) the passing away of Ps Eugene's 10-week old granddaughter 

2) fear of prophecy - Mary and Jenn had both prophesied a daughter and a son in my future but I am now pregnant with my second daughter. Does this mean I would lose one of them? 

Questions:

1) is the presence of my grandmother significant? I don't sense so. 

2) what does the praying mantis symbolise? A religious people?

3) what has caused this wrath of God?

4) can such a calamity be avoided?

I have no doubt that this dream is God-inspired. When I was on the train and at work, I googled for instances of locusts in the bible and specifically remembered that they were mentioned in the book of Amos. 

Now, because of the nausea I was experiencing in my first trimester, I haven't been reading the bible. Finally being out of the woods and the first time in a long time taking the train to work, I decided to restart my bible in one year reading. Lo and behold, Amos 8 and 9 were referenced in that day's devotional. And Amos 7, which contains the word locusts, was referenced the day before! Hence I am confident the dream is given by God. 

Amos 7:1-3 "This is what the Sovereign Lord showed me: He was preparing swarms of locusts after the king’s share had been harvested and just as the late crops were coming up. When they had stripped the land clean, I cried out, “Sovereign Lord, forgive! How can Jacob survive? He is so small! So the Lord relented. “This will not happen,” the Lord said.”"

So maybe my dream can be avoided if I prayed. 

My Second Promise (Part 2)

The prophecies given to me about my second child is coming to past!

This is the 4th pregnancy test kit I used. The first three (Guardian house brand), only showed a positive line some time after the 10 minutes timeframe stipulated. 

Couldn't take it anymore so went to buy the expensive ClearBlue test kit and within half a minute the '+' sign showed up!

It still feels so surreal... For the first time in so many months, I'm finally seeing something I have been yearning for. I feel like I should pinch myself. Haha... I won't of course, but I do keep looking at the ClearBlue picture to make sure I'm not hallucinating!

Thank you Lord, for the wonderful gift of being able to be a mother of two.