Many people have the misconception that a bank treasury is the place to be; it’s prestigious and money is good. You don’t know how I wish I had somewhere else to be. I suppose the grass is always greener on the other side, eh?
In the past five years, I have seen a number of colleagues getting the boot and heard of even more such cases outside my bank. These days, I’m hearing pays are getting cut. Whilst I am thankful to God I still have my job, I long so deeply to be doing something else.
My head of sales and I just came out from a dressing down by our treasurer. Not because we didn’t bring in money last year, in fact, it was a good year, but because we weren’t “visible” enough visiting clients. There is definitely an impending danger that our sales desk might be closed down by the end of the year. In the meanwhile, I have to bring my A-game and start shadowing corporate banking just in case I might need to be transferred.
My job is so specialised that it is difficult to find another line of work. I have tried looking out for other opportunities for the past four years but to no avail. It’s either I do not have the proper set of skills or they cannot match my required compensation package. Having a distinction in MBA from a good school couldn’t get me anywhere else either.
Middle management is really the worst place to be – you’re too senior to take a junior position and you’re too junior to take a senior position. Even if I am okay to take a pay cut or to start in a more junior position, no one dares to take up my offer. They think I’ll just make them a temporary stop in my career.
I was so demoralised after the talk. Every beginning of the year I get this talk; it’s a lot more intense in the past two years. That’s why I never like the new year. And I had already sensed this foreboding doom since last November.
In the past, I would have hailed accusatory questions at God. “Why?”, “Why am I so unlucky in my career?”, “Do you not love me?” But today, I feel a sense of calm, that God is in charge of my life; that I can draw strength, strategy, favour and wisdom from Him; that He has my back.
My first reaction was to run to people for comfort and encouragement. My mind was so clouded with anxiety and frustration that I’d rather ask my fellow brothers and sisters to do the work of tuning in to what God has to say to me. But God reminded me of a testimony I had just read before being called into the room – this woman shared that when her son laid brain dead in the hospital, she ran to people for comfort rather than running to God and God had to remind her that Jesus is there for her. So, I did the only thing I knew best when communicating with God – I prophesied over myself, speaking God’s words over my situation.
In my own prophecy, I could feel that God shared in my sorrows but He reminded me that I am made of tough stuff, and that I am stronger and more talented than I think I am. He told me that He has blessed my hands with glory dust and because He has blessed them, whatever I do shall prosper. But I still have to put in that hard work. I do feel a sense of peace in the midst of the storm that I can still see. I feel like I am being engulfed by His calm by force. I say by force because in my natural self, I somehow like to dwell in negativity longer than necessary. So yes, I think God is forcing His peace on me and I am thankful for that.
All I can do now is pray that God will lead me through this situation; that His hand will be upon my career. If I am to leave this job, I pray that He will open up the correct doors for me but if I am to stay, I really pray for patience and favour. A lot of favour…..
May Your will be done, My Lord.
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