Here's the continuation of my encounter with God on Day 3:
Speaking Only God's Words
After the workshop on Friday, Jessie, EW and I joined Pastor Ong (Jessie’s husband and also our Pastor) at SIB Metro as he preached to local students and young working adults there. We were brought in to assist him and five of his team members to give personal prophesy to the attendees. I had such an amazing, God-filled and life-changing night! And to think I was thinking of worming out of it just a few hours before! I’ll tell you why:
I was fearful blockages. After our hospital ministry the night before, we attended Maranatha Church where Apostle Ron Sawka (a disciple of Bill Hamon and also our workshop mentor) was invited as a guest speaker. At the end of his sermon, we were asked to give personal prophecies to the church congregation. Hundreds lined up to hear God’s messages and I drew blanks most of the time! I was so stressed out; the more I pressured myself to get something from God, the emptier my mind became. It was a horrible time where I had to depend mostly on my partner, EW for something.
I remember vividly the first person who came to us – R. EW and R already knew each other, so I was asked to start. Under pressure and conscious of potentially letting people down, I released something that could be perceived by many as generic – to go deeper into the word (I had the mental image of an illuminated bible). When I finished, I looked at her and I saw disappointment plastered across her face as she looked towards EW to add on something concrete. That image and self-condemnation latched onto my spirit until the very end of the night.
I believe that it is also important to find the right partner for such activities. Don’t get me wrong, EW and I form great partnership when it comes to certain activities like praying and worship but the jarring difference in our delivery styles when prophesying became a stumbling block for me. When she prophesies, her warrior anointing comes in strong; she commands for the awakening of man’s spirit, she calls forth God’s fire, she orders the breaking of man’s sinful nature etc. I, on the other hand, tend to be softer in approach and prefer to have some time ministering to the people I prophesy over.
At the end of the night, a girl came up to EW, thanked her, hugged her and asked for a photo together. I instinctively withdrew myself from their midst but EW sensing my dejection, called out for me to be in the picture. I guess the girl and I had no choice but to oblige. A little bit later when we were saying our goodbyes to some local people, R who was in their midst looked like she was trying to avoid my eye. I am not sure whether she is just naturally shy or what, but I was definitely affected by it.
So, you can imagine how utterly down I was by the end of the night. I knew for a fact that Jessie would never allow me to worm out of Friday’s session so I had no choice but to leave all my disappointments and fears at Jesus’ feet. I told God my desire to bless others; to accurately communicate God’s words to the people so that they can be encouraged, edified and comforted. And I prayed hard for Him to use me to activate giftings in the young ones I minister to on Friday. Apostle Paul writes that prophecies help equip one for ministry:
“Do not neglect your gift, which was given you through prophecy when the body of elders laid their hands on you.” (1 Timothy 4:14)
I didn’t feel any zap of supernatural confidence from God but I knew that because my longing to bless others was pure, God would answer. As we were praising and worshipping God, I asked God to show me the potential in every single person there. Of course, I couldn’t sense anything for anyone at that point in time but I rested in the promise that God will give me the right words to say at the appropriate time.
After Pastor’s message, we helpers went to the front of the room to help arrange chairs for ministry. Pastor had already arranged for Jessie to team up with V and for me to partner with M right from the start but because M was out of sight and EW had no idea of the arrangement, she nudged J to team up with me but before I could say anything, I saw J openly telling EW that she liked her better. Now, this came from someone I didn’t know so I couldn’t have had offended her. So I assumed she caught wind of my ‘non-performance’ in Maranatha Church. R, from the night before, started inching away from me. One minute she was next to me and the next she was pretty far off. Boy, did the devil know how to discourage a person! But this time, I dug my heels in and refused to give in to his mind games. Not long after, M joined me.
By the time the first person took his seat in front of us, I had totally abandoned every hurt and insecurity and focused on nothing else but God. And boy oh boy, did God use me! M and I prophesied over at least eleven persons and not once did I not know what to say. Here, we were allowed the opportunity to talk to and also minister to the people. Because I availed myself as His spokesperson, I became a first-hand witness to the His awesome power; I saw Him comforting those with anxieties and fears, rebuking some bad habits in others, confirming the ambitions and callings for spiritually mature ones and giving specific directions/instructions to ones that need that guidance or extra push. Three girls cried because our inspired words spoke directly to their troubled situations. It was definitely not us because we had never seen the people there in our entire lives.
God also answered my desire to activate the giftings in His people. We encouraged one brother to instantaneously move into his gifting of prophetic song writing and he sang a new song right before us; we encouraged one to exercise his prophetic gifting over us when he told us he had a vision of honey pouring over our heads; and I nudged one girl to activate the gift of prophetic dancing in her and she danced so beautifully before the Lord that it brought tears to my eyes. Oh, how the Holy Spirit moved in that place!
It was so wonderful to witness how God moved amongst His people that at the end of the night, I told Jessie this: “I have often asked God for signs and wonders (read: gold dust, gem stones, feathers, etc.) but tonight, the most important of them all took place – being used to speak life into His people.”
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